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ENLARGE
ALMOST CLEVER
Rick Seley
As the son and grandson of convicted felons and the father and father-in-law of county, state and federal law enforcement officers, I've always been very respectful in my dealings with police officers.
On the other hand, I'm a wisenheimer with serious issues with authority figures and so I have often felt conflicted when dealing with law enforcement.
I'm a retired naval officer so I know a bit about a life of service that involves putting yourself in harm's way for the greater good. I also realize that, some naval officers pursued their career out a sense of duty and honor, others because it was a good steady job that you could feel good about while some of us did it because we thought we looked good in uniform and needed all the help we could get to bag babes.
Other than my kids, I haven't socialized with a lot of law enforcement types, but I have to believe that some of them are heroes, some are just trying to make it to retirement and some are a cross between Barney Fife and that bully who used to humiliate me everyday by making me cry in front of the other kids on the school bus for sadistic pleasure. I don't remember her name, but I'll bet she's a cop somewhere.
Please don't get me wrong. I respect a good cop just like I respect a good social worker, nursing assistant or pole dancer. I appreciate anyone who chooses a career that improves the quality of life for others, but that's not my point. My point is that cops, like the rest of us, are just people doing a job and some of them are better at it than others.
Take, for example, the police inspector in Philadelphia who recently took an officer off the streets because his haircut was unprofessional. Although Officer Thomas Strain's “do” was neatly off his ears and above his collar as required by regulation, his hair was unacceptable because it had been painstakingly braided into cornrows.
While there are several Philly cops who routinely wear cornrows to work everyday, it seems that Officer Strain's braids were unprofessional because he is Caucasian. I have not been to Philadelphia lately, but I may visit soon because crime must be completely under control if PPD has time for kind of nonsense. I wish I was making this up.
Consider the seven-man police force in Jericho, Ark., (population 174) who has written so many tickets in that small town that the other 167 folks are getting mad. When Jericho Fire Chief Don Payne complained too vocally to the local judge while paying his second speeding ticket in one day, all seven members of the JPD pounced upon him in the courtroom, and Payne was shot in the ensuing scuffle. I guess that answers the age old question, “How many cops does it take to subdue one angry fireman?”
The JPD was disbanded after its cruiser was repossessed, and no one could seem to find any of the fine money from all of the speeding tickets. Who knew that the Dukes of Hazzard was a documentary?
Finally, check out the finest of Polk County, Fla., where members of the elite High Intensity Drug Trafficking Area Task Force (HIDTA-TF) raided the home of a suspected drug dealer and spent the following nine hours sorting through his belongings to confiscate all of his ill-gotten gains.
Apparently the HIDTA-TF suffers from a bit of ADD or ADHD because, as a hidden video camera later showed, several of them paused throughout the raid to participate in an impromptu Wii bowling tournament in the suspect's living room. It's unclear from the video who won the tournament but many officers can be seen celebrating strikes, so one has to believe it was pretty competitive.
Once again, I'm not picking on cops ... OK, maybe just a little, but I've already picked on physical therapists, politicians, Bob Saget and even short retired naval officers who write humor columns; it's just their turn.
The next time you see a cop smile, wave, and for your own safety, make sure they know you're not a fireman!
Rick Seley is a Fallon writer
On the other hand, I'm a wisenheimer with serious issues with authority figures and so I have often felt conflicted when dealing with law enforcement.
I'm a retired naval officer so I know a bit about a life of service that involves putting yourself in harm's way for the greater good. I also realize that, some naval officers pursued their career out a sense of duty and honor, others because it was a good steady job that you could feel good about while some of us did it because we thought we looked good in uniform and needed all the help we could get to bag babes.
Other than my kids, I haven't socialized with a lot of law enforcement types, but I have to believe that some of them are heroes, some are just trying to make it to retirement and some are a cross between Barney Fife and that bully who used to humiliate me everyday by making me cry in front of the other kids on the school bus for sadistic pleasure. I don't remember her name, but I'll bet she's a cop somewhere.
Please don't get me wrong. I respect a good cop just like I respect a good social worker, nursing assistant or pole dancer. I appreciate anyone who chooses a career that improves the quality of life for others, but that's not my point. My point is that cops, like the rest of us, are just people doing a job and some of them are better at it than others.
Take, for example, the police inspector in Philadelphia who recently took an officer off the streets because his haircut was unprofessional. Although Officer Thomas Strain's “do” was neatly off his ears and above his collar as required by regulation, his hair was unacceptable because it had been painstakingly braided into cornrows.
While there are several Philly cops who routinely wear cornrows to work everyday, it seems that Officer Strain's braids were unprofessional because he is Caucasian. I have not been to Philadelphia lately, but I may visit soon because crime must be completely under control if PPD has time for kind of nonsense. I wish I was making this up.
Consider the seven-man police force in Jericho, Ark., (population 174) who has written so many tickets in that small town that the other 167 folks are getting mad. When Jericho Fire Chief Don Payne complained too vocally to the local judge while paying his second speeding ticket in one day, all seven members of the JPD pounced upon him in the courtroom, and Payne was shot in the ensuing scuffle. I guess that answers the age old question, “How many cops does it take to subdue one angry fireman?”
The JPD was disbanded after its cruiser was repossessed, and no one could seem to find any of the fine money from all of the speeding tickets. Who knew that the Dukes of Hazzard was a documentary?
Finally, check out the finest of Polk County, Fla., where members of the elite High Intensity Drug Trafficking Area Task Force (HIDTA-TF) raided the home of a suspected drug dealer and spent the following nine hours sorting through his belongings to confiscate all of his ill-gotten gains.
Apparently the HIDTA-TF suffers from a bit of ADD or ADHD because, as a hidden video camera later showed, several of them paused throughout the raid to participate in an impromptu Wii bowling tournament in the suspect's living room. It's unclear from the video who won the tournament but many officers can be seen celebrating strikes, so one has to believe it was pretty competitive.
Once again, I'm not picking on cops ... OK, maybe just a little, but I've already picked on physical therapists, politicians, Bob Saget and even short retired naval officers who write humor columns; it's just their turn.
The next time you see a cop smile, wave, and for your own safety, make sure they know you're not a fireman!
Rick Seley is a Fallon writer
